apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
