I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
