My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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