..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
