there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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