This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize