wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
