My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
