im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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