he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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