She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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