I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
