$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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