sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
