The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
