U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
