Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
