Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
