Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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