Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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