I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
