I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
