1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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