420 ftw
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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