this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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