just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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