dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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