you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So squirting runs in the family.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
