Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
