Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
