Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize