i was born a porn star she said
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
