I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
