I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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