So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
