so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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