dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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