a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
