I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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