sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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