I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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