Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
