In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
