I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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