you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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