You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
