So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
