I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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