Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
