I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
