I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
