dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
