You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
how drunk are you?
Several
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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