this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize