After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
