I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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