im drinking this country out of the recession.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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