Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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