I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
