Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm getting married
To pizza
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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