Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
