So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
