I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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