i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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