what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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