In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize