bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
