I love black thongs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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