you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
